Binge eating..depression etc

Hi everyone, I've just joined because I read Imogen Taylor's letter in DiabetesUK recently so thankyou. I don't have anyone I can really talk to about my diabetes who would understand, not even doctors and so I was glad to read about this forum.

I have been diabetec, type 1, since I started my GCSE's which makes it nearly 6 years... ouch.. counting the years makes me feel so bad. It sounds like such a long time to organise myself with it all but it's gone on a very gradual slope downhill.

At the moment I have so many things in my life to do and worry about that I feel there isn't enough time to worry about Diabetes. I don't test. I do my injections.. most the time..but I seriously do forget sometimes, it really is like I just try to solve it by pretending I don't have it. But the past few months I have been binge eating so much and I have put on weight which has only depressed me. If I tell anyone it's brushed off because although I've put on weight I'm not overweight. I'm still a size 8-10 but I am a dancer currently in very demanding training at a top dance school in the UK. A lot of the time I'm always hungry and other times it's just something to keep my mind occupied. I always think about food. I hate it. I've tried throwing up before and can't bring myself to do it... I've tried not snacking at all between meals and I can't do it. I don't know if anyone else has these habits n what they've done to get out of it... I exercise all day everyday 8.30am to 6pm and I find my crappy eating habits aren't helping my energy levels at all or my mood swings. I'm going through a rough patch with a boyfriend of 4 years at the moment too. I feel like screaming sometimes. I'm supposed to be sending my dietition a 4 day plan of carb counting but I just don't feel I have the time, ever and if I don't have the time now I know I won't stick to measuring 100g whatever every day... is anyone else carb counting? It's so hard living with other students living a true 'student life' who call me boring for not going out all the time etc...

Argh! I have so much going on. I wanna live a life where I don't have to think twice or be so responsible at this age... I'm gonna hate myself in years to come when my legs are amputated and everything I've ever worked for, all the hours of pain in the studio will amount to nothing cus I can't even walk let a lone a pirrouette.

Help.

xx

Hello littlebear A very big welcome to you from all of us - we are here to help and I hope we can - maybe only a little at first, but we'll all try our hardest. Putting the letter in Balance has turned out to be great because there are some brilliant people on here, who can help and advise you, but most of all just be here to listen if you want to download your feelings to us.

I really don't know what it is like to be a type 1 and anyway, we are all individuals, but I do know what it feels like to be depressed, and when it feels like life is just too much. I guess it helps me a bit to know that I am not alone - others feel the same way for millions of different reasons and, for most of us, time passes and little things change, and you start to feel better. Often it is not just one big thing that can make us down, but lots of little things. Life is just like that sometimes, and each of us must learn little ways of getting through it - sometimes those things can be good for us, and sometimes not so good. I try and go for a walk to make me feel better, but perhaps, as you get so much exercise anyway, you could do something else positive. Ring a friend, do a painting, read a book, come here and "talk", write a letter, sing, meet someone for a coffee, oh, a million things that would be more positive than sitting and eating. I have a list of positive things in a secret place because if I get down, I can't think straight enough to remember them!! Then I can choose. That is the thing in life. We can choose to do something positive or negative. And don't be too hard on yourself if you choose a negative..... every minute we have the opportunity to start a fresh.

Keep talking to us... and we'll be here to listen.

{{{big hug}}}

Hello littlebear my name is justine and i am a type 1 d. I was diagnosed at 17 and like you found it very difficult. I had just left school and was diagnosed a week before a v traumatic car accident with my sister and brother and then went down to south coast to learn to cook for a year, three hours from home! What a mess, the stupidest thing a newly diagnosed diabetic can do! Very quickly i started binging and smoking to cope with the feelings i did not now how to cope with. Depression, anger, pity, selp loathing. I was a teenager who had not had time to build up selfconfidence other than the way i looked and in my early years of D binges so much and took so much insulin to try and cope with bsugars was v big. I often fogot my insulin let alone did any bloodsugars, untill one time in hospital i realised actually i knew more about my di than the poor overworked nurses. Decided then to take more responsibility for myself, give my family a break, and keep out of hospital!

It must be v difficult for you as a dancer because your body and body image are on show and improtant to your career. I am a size 10 and have been for a long time but still i obsess about the extra weight my binges cause.. I am now 38 and am only just reolising it is not the jeans you can fit into but the smile on your face your health and the happyness in your heart that counts.

About 10 yrs ago binging got so bad that went into treatment. The recovery centre classed all people as just plain addicts, alchol etc. I know I have an addictive nature and through the years this has helped me come to terms with being me and not being perfect! Know it sounds silly but difficult lesson for me to reolise i can not b perfect. Cant be a perfect diabetic either, no such thing!

Please dont bog yourself down with the worst case cenarios, I have now been d for 21 years and their is nothing wrong with me. It has taken me a long time to realise insulin is my friend and not just something that makes me put on weight. My reaction to all the difficulties in life make me bigger and v unhappy to boot, ie the binges. It is not your fault you comfort yourself in this way. I am going back to the Dr this week and going to be butt clenchingly honest with him about the help i need. Have had so much help and councelling in the past but I am a work in progress and every step i make to make my life healthier is positive

Have done a carb counting course but yes found it v difficult to write down sugars and food for a week but did it and it helps me to be a bit healthier and cant live happily and get on with all the other fun stuff if feel shit all the time. What Im trying to say is try to put d before everything else!!!
Please take care and write back if i can help

Hi littlebear!
i've been type 1 for 20years, im 22. i can relate to what your saying. what insulin are you on ? what kind of rountin are you in? it might help to change the insulin ur on and what your rountin is, has anyone talked to you about that?i know that thinking about food every min of the day nd thinking about blood sugars is overwhelming at times but once you get in to a good routine you can forgett about it between meals.

i've carb counted all my life and once you get into the habit of it its not too bad.

speak to you soon