Another New Person

Hi everyone, well despite my nic, I'm not actually a girl, I'm 48 and am Type 1. I was diagnosed at the ripe old age of 14 and remember every miserable detail of that time, and the years that followed. I also found this forum through the pages of Balance. However, I am one of those "people" who had problems with Human Insulin and have managed to get myself off the stuff after a 20 year struggle. Emotionally, I was a wreck from day one, and like most other diabetics have had to find my way through the ups and downs of the emotional roller coaster.

I really do believe that emotional back-up would have made a great difference to my diabetic life, and if I can lend an ear to anyone, to help in their diabetic daily struggles, please feel free to pick on me

I'm married and have one (non-diabetic) son who is now 25 - prior to his birth I was one of the early users of the insulin pump - what a laugh that was!

My diagnosis was long and traumatic, due to lost medical records etc etc, eventually leaving hospital with enough medical supplies to keep a small pharmacy stocked, the industrial strength meths was an eye opener, the weighing scales, the glass syringes *groans*. the life of a troubled teen and the nightmares I caused my parents - what can I say!

Like most teenagers, I didn't like being different, often stuffed myself with sweets and chocolates and readily missed my injections - just because I could and it made my mum really really mad! I'm sure we have all been there (haven't we?) School was fun I was the only diabetic in it, the class soon learned that if I collapsed, the whole class got out early - guess how many times I collapsed!

Well enough of me going on, hopefully now, some 34 years later, I have learnt a little - thank goodness for pork insulin!

Nice to meet everyone, here's to our future as friends.

Hi, it's good to have a more experienced T1 here.......I'm sure your brains will get picked regularly

Hi - and a warm welcome to you - thanks for the stories too - I guess we have moved on in a lot of ways from then, and hopefully things for diabetics will get better and better. How do you look after yourself?

Hello Junglegirl! My story is a long and varied one too! Have looked for help for my emotional rollercoaster in many different places but I guess just getting older and taking more responsibility for myself has helped. nice to meet you!

Ok, I've got over kicking myself, I did try to post this yesterday and think I did something wrong, because my reply disappeared into the never never! How do I look after myself, I guess you want the honest answer and not the usual diabetic "oh you know, I just do"? You'll get used to my cutting edge cynical sense of humour, I swear all diabetics have it! Right well, first I have to say everyone is different, and we each find what works for us.

My diagnosis was horrible and to be honest I have never psychologically got over it. Damaged I am, I swear. Anyway I have managed to slip through all the medical cracks and have distanced myself from the hospital clinics (long story) and now just turn up for the "annual come or else check-up" at the doctors surgery. I'm sure I read somewhere that GP's get paid for carrying these check-ups out, if thats the case then I am obviously helping my GP out should he have any financial worries (which I doubt). Again thats a bit of a laugh as its only the practice nurse, bless her, who checks off boxes on the computer. I always forget the "sample" bottle (yuck). refuse to have the pulse in my foot taken - I have a phobia of people touching my feet and would prefer not to kick the nurse to death should she touch me anywhere foot-like. She usually offers me, statins (fought the doctor over those as they made me very ill) so I won't take them, and aspirin - I won't take that either - they have stamped "awkward patient" on my notes (took them awhile to reach this conclusion). My blood pressure is just fine and dandy.

So basically I look after myself, I'm finely tuned to my blood sugar levels, ketones etc. I know when something is just not right, but I have to be pretty poorly to pitch up at my doctors, and he also knows that I must be in a poor way. To be honest, I'm not sure if we are all alike on this one, but we don't have "a doctor" anymore, just a practice and you see anyone whose available - this doesn't work very well when I have been diabetic for longer than the doctor has been alive - though I do answer any questions they my have about the condition as a whole etc etc.

As mentioned before human insulin didn't work for me, it's a great product and does a wonderful job, but for some it's a nightmare. So I do like to preach a little that animal insulin is still available, and is an alternative (I was diagnosed and put on pig insulin originally, then moved en mass to human insulin when it came on the market) I had immediate side effects but no-one in the medical profession would listen. Anyway, I once again digress, so basically as a result of my past diabetic history I d not trust anyone int he medical profession - the only person I trust is myself. I know when I need medical advice and actively seek it out, but other than that, I take all decisions about me, adjust my insulin and food intake accordingly, still kind of count carbs etc (as taught) but its all automatic now and I'm still here (though I was told not to expect to see my 60th birthday once - but hey who wants to work until their 68 anyway!!)

Thanks for that response. The biggest positive I see is that you have taken responsibility for yourself, know yourself and have taught yourself. I agree that everyone is individual - and I don't think that is seen enough or taken seriously enough - and sometimes it's good to go to the medical profession and find our own way to deal with things.

When I was first diagnosed often got to the stage when I needed/wanted to go into hospital just to get someone else to take responsibility and help me with my diabeties. Binge eating and not takeing insulin was a sure fire way of making myself really ill! Ahh horrible to think obout it now but eventually reolised that the poor overstretched nurses knew less about D than I did and I could actually look after myself better than they could, excluding drips etc. That was a real turning point in my D carrer.

Unfortunatly had serious car accident with family a week after diagnosed and then once out of bed and able went on a years course to learn to cook. Cooking Courdon Bleau food all day everyday, a teenager surrounded by lots of irresonsible other girls and I immedietly took up overeating and smoking to blot out bloody feelings. Still find over eating a problem and havent stopped smoking but desperately want to. Doesnt seem to sink in how ever much the medics tell me otherwise. Seems there is so much that is restrictive with D that why cant I do something that I choose. Kid myself that it helps me deal with all the negatives I feel about being D.

The best thing I have ever done though is getting to grips with things and having my daughter. She is no 8 and the light of my life. Naturaly the first thing my now exmother-in- law asked was is the baby diabetic! She is geneticaly more predisposed to it but fingers crossed. Anyway where are all the cures, have been waiting for them for so long. Looking forward to a continuour real time blood monitoring system!

Never feel alone in you difficulties, we are out there too! Take care

Ok Justine you really are my twin aren't you? My mother-in-law now deceased asked my husband to be (within earshot) if any children we had would be a cripple like me! That was a turning point in my "mother-in-law" and I contact time. I started smoking when I was 11, well before I was diagnosed, I eventually stopped when I was 34, mainly because I scared myself. I was on the pill, and smoking, and I began to get strange sensations in my ankle, I just knew that my circulation was giving me a distinct warning. So I told no-one, got myself some patches and the rest is history. You can't give up, until you want to, to be honest the help and advice you get now is great, all my friends who are currently doing the "giving up" thing have got lots of support and back up, including free patches etc. I was in hospital for 2 weeks when I was first diagnosed - how long did you do? My haunting memories are many but one that sticks out is the "diet lady" and a lump of cheese. That stand-off lasted 40 minutes - I've always been sick when I eat cheese.

I do remember some of the years that followed diagnosis, the binge drinking in the hope, I think, that I would somehow hurt myself whilst under the influence. Suicidal thoughts, depression, anger, even now I feel a burden to my husband (bless him we have been married for 28 years) he's put up with so much. I think the worse for me is that I can remember being "normal", not having to inject, not having to test urine/blood, not having to think about what goes in my mouth. To be honest I think I would rather have been born with this, than to have to have it as a teenager - it tore me apart. Did they put you in an adult ward - they did me, I was 14 when I got sick, and 15 when hospitalised - to old for the childrens ward way back then. I have to ask, as everyone had their flu jabs? (thats another thing I won't have)

Wooooo. You guys... Simply put, I mean, no sodding support....

I have my flu jab every year - I am asthmatic as well - I used to get flu like clockwork every Feb - haven't had it since I started the jabs... So I'll keep having them.

I have never had flu and I wont be taking the jab! When I get cold dose it up with deconjestants etc and just get on. Maybe if i ever did get proper flu would think about it but not yet. Think D's have a pritty high tolerance to feeling bad, I am so used to just getting on with things nomatter how I feel that dont think flu would bother me too much! A few aches and pains with a temp easy peasy. Would continuously btest ofcourse and still take insulin of prob more to stop ktones.

Didnt stay in hospital at all when diagnosed put me on insulin and pushed me out the door! Prob wasnt that bad but felt like it. It was 1987, just left school and was amazed i could eat coco pops an still loose weight, gallons and gallons of water and then couldnt walk up the stairs. 22Sep 1987! After all these years though I now reolise how luck i am that I/we have got insulin. I was given a chance to carry on and I have. All the pain, sadness, fear, to me that has just been my path in life with D but thats been my fault trying to cope with 'the enemy'. D is not my enemy, i guess over the years i have been! I love my body and it really has tried its hardest to overcome this, now feel want to help it as much as possible and I know will get to the stage soon when dont want to smoke anymore. Its been so many years and realy want to stay healthy so can have fun with my sisters when we r grannies!

Going to Notingham to pick my daughter up 2day, she has been abroad with her dad for the first half of halfterm, cant wait to see her. Will go rollerskating etc etc with her next week and see the rest of my family, so looking forward to it. Take care and hope u had a lovely lyin this morning!

So Justine, how did the rollerskating go? Any bruises? I was diagnosed in 1975 and it really doesn't seem like life for diabetics emotionally has changed very much if at all. I'm sure flu jabs are great for some people and a money earners for the manufacturer, I haven't had one in 34 years and I'm not going to start now, most people I know who have them are so poorly afterwards - no thanks - the GP surgery then told me I was down for a pneumonia jab too - I don't think so - I actually asked if that was £5 to £10 in the doctors practice coffers. I am just so cynical.
The one thing I could never work out was there I was, a newly diagnosed diabetic, and all these people were telling me, I could live with it, that it would all be ok, that I'd learn to adjust etc etc. Not once did anyone ever ask me, if I actually wanted to live with it!

I know, now one will ever ask you if you want to live with it because we have to but isnt it better to deal with the daily ups and downs than not be here at all? I always feel very bitter when people ask me on a daily basic "how are you?" They dont want the truth do they! They wouldnt know what had hit them if I told them how it realy is! But I know this is a very difficult cross to bear but being an adult does mean a lot of difficulties and hard times, basically dealing with what shit life throws at us. The trouble with me Is I was so unprepared, who could ever be prepared for diagnosis, that I shut down and dont think I grew up in a normal fashion and became a responsible adult. At 17, and I am sure I was a young 17 never having had the wolf at the door and being looked after and protected from the realy bad things in life, that suddenly I was dealing with mortality and given too much responsibility. Who finds it easy having so much control over their life and future?
In my Mums new women and home i saw a quote today that said its not what happens to us but how we choose to feel about it.
As a D I have always got to think how lucky I am to be here, if i focus on the bad stuff i loose all ability to lookafter myself and become a Victim. Being a victim is a terrible place to be and f - it I am me and I want to be in control of my like. Find it v v difficult making healthy choices but hope am facing in the right direction. Things will and are never perfect which i desperatley want them to be but just making small choices and forgiving myself my mistakes helps. Will try to do that more, please try it. You have come so far and done such a good job. I admire you your journey, your ups and downs but you have a lovely son and you are still moving forward.
p.s didnt go rollerskating but will this w/e i hope. Get insulin buildup in thighs and sure it will help!!! Take care and enjoy the xfactor if u watch it! Also think Brand and Ross totally out of order!!

You're so right about that quote, Justine.. My friend at work has cancer. She has a couple of years, they think. Maybe longer if she keeps taking the medication - which makes her feel awful all the time. She was abused as a child and never had any money (4 kids!!) - however, she looks at the positive in most things and makes me smile. None of us chose the bad things that happen to us, but if we take each choice and try and make the best of it, if we wake each morning and choose to be positive as much as possible, if we try and be kind to others AND most of all ourselves... maybe we can get through the day with a little hope and dignity.

GROUP HUG!!!!!