Quick introduction

My husband was diagnosed with type 2 in April last year after several months of recurring bouts of thrush. He made it perfectly clear at the beginning that he didnt want me to mollycoddle him regarding his diet, and i have tried really hard just to let him get on with it. I figure he will work it out in his own time.
He hasnt really adjusted his diet at all, and complains if i try to adjust the meals (though to be honest i dont know exactly what i should be avoiding, i was told to cut down on potato and pasta, i have tried to include more red meat and fish in our diet). He still binge eats, not just meals but sweet stuff too. Some days he will go all day without eating, have dinner around 8pm and then sit up until 3-4 in the morning eating whatever food we have in the cupboard. His excuse before was the diabetic nurse told him it was ok to eat food late at night, it wasnt bad for him. And since his blood sugar levels had dropped back down to normal levels thanks to his medication he felt that things were fine.

So much so that he last saw the diabetic nurse in september last year. He was due to have more blood tests done in october and then go back to her, but he didnt do either. He has continued taking his medication Metformim 500mg, simvastatin 40mg and ramipril 10mg and assumes that since he hasnt had a case of thrush he is fine. He is irritable (more so than usual) and is really struggling to get a good nights sleep. He was recently turned down for life insurance based on the doctors report, and despite me pointing out it was probably due to the fact he hasnt had his blood sugar levels tested recently he still refused to make an appointment. I picked up his prescription last week and made an appointment for the diabetic nurse the same day (told him the surgery had insisted, which seemed to be fine by him). He has since been to see her and has been sent for a full set of blood tests because he admitted to not taking his pills as often as he should be.

He has come home from the appointment determined to start exercising but hasnt actually done anything about it. He said everything is fine and the nurse had no concerns. He also refuses to tell me exactly what his pills are for.. im not sure if this is to stop me from worrying, or because he simply hasnt cared enough to ask.

I'm guessing from the few posts and information i have read that denial is pretty common... but it would seem like he is severely testing his body to see how much he can abuse it before it gives out. Is there anything i can do to help him? A way to help him make the changes he needs without being the nagging wife?

Hi Shona!
I am type 2 and have been for 18 months now. I use my diet only to control it. I cannot imagine what you are going through. You must be really worried and frustrated. Men are a pain in the neck sometimes - just thinking ignoring it will work! ARGHHHH But there is hope. Diagnosis of diabetes is SCARY and sometimes it really is easier to hide and make excuses - we all do it about different things in our life.... I really hope we can talk this through with you and help in some ways - even if we can only make it easier for you. I'll have a chat with my hubby too, and see if he has any ideas to get through to a man about how much there is at stake. Are you a member of Diabetes UK? There was a story about a man this issue who has lost his sight and ... oh I can't remember I'll have to find it - but he wished he'd taken more care of himself when he was first diagnosed. If you haven't got this issue, I'll pull mine out and post it to you if you like - so you can leave it for hubby...
Big hug... hope we can help

Thanks for the reply Imogen.

When he was first diagnosed he got a bit cross with me when i started looking at diabetes online, so i stopped. So we havent registered with anything. I didnt realise they sent out newsletters and things either, so may have to have a look into that. I was seeing a health trainer at the time to help improve my diet (cut back onlots of junk food and eating more fruit and veg) and she offered to help him work through his diet with him to help make the little adjustments, but he insisted that he could do it himself. Normally he really hates being told he needs to do something.. or being pushed into doing stuff, so i kind of expected him to dig his heels in a little while he got used to the idea.

I havent actually looked into diabetes very much, because it was such an issue in the beginning so im not fully aware of the health risks to him if he doesnt keep his levels in check, so not as worried as i maybe should be. That will have to change. I have decided that from now on i shall go with him to see the diabetic nurse with him, this way i know whats going on and i can ask all the questions i need to.

He went through a phase of not taking his pills properly.. he would go to work and then pop a days worth when he got home, which is when i got scared.. i actually told him at that point if he was intent on killing himself (over reaction? i dont know..) he should leave now before it got too upsetting for the children, which made him realise it wasnt just about him. I think now he is doing the bare minimum, I'm really hoping i can take advantage of his attitude about exercise at the moment and get him registered and back in the gym before the enthusiasm wears off.

Hi again

Here you go (from the NHS website):

If your diabetes is not treated, it can lead to many different health problems. Large amounts of glucose can damage blood vessels, nerves and organs, and even a mildly raised glucose level that does not cause any symptoms can have damaging effects in the long term.

Heart disease and stroke
If you have diabetes, you are up to five times more likely to suffer heart disease and stroke compared with people without diabetes. Prolonged, poorly controlled blood glucose levels increase the likelihood of atherosclerosis (furring up and narrowing of the blood vessels). This may result in poor blood supply to the heart, causing angina. It also increases the chance that a blood vessel in your heart or brain will become completely blocked, causing a heart attack or stroke.

Nerve damage
High blood glucose levels can damage the tiny blood vessels of your nerves. This can lead to a tingling or burning pain that spreads from your fingers and toes up through your limbs. If the nerves in your digestive system are affected, you may experience nausea, vomiting, diarrhoea or constipation.

Retinopathy (damage to the retina at the back of the eye)
Blood vessels in the retina of your eye can become blocked, leaky or grow haphazardly. This prevents the light from fully passing through to your retina. If left untreated, it can damage your vision.

The better you control your blood sugar levels, the less chance you have of developing serious eye problems. Having an annual eye check by a specialist (an ophthalmologist or an optometrist) can help to pick up signs of any potentially serious eye problems early on, so that they can be treated.

If it is caught early enough, diabetic retinopathy can be treated using laser treatment. However, it is important to realise that this will only preserve the sight you have, not make it better.

Kidney disease
If the small blood vessels of your kidney become blocked and leaky, your kidneys will work less efficiently. In rare, severe cases this can lead to kidney failure and the need for a kidney transplant.

Foot problems
Damage to the nerves of the foot can mean that small nicks and cuts are not noticed, leading to the development of a foot ulcer. About one in 10 people with diabetes get foot ulcers, which can cause serious infection.

Check your feet every day and report any changes to your doctor, nurse or podiatrist. Look out for sores and cuts that do not heal, puffiness, or swelling, and skin that feels hot to the touch. You should also have a foot examination at least once a year.

Sexual dysfunction
In men with diabetes (especially those who smoke), damage to the nerves and blood vessels can lead to erection problems. This may be treated with medication.

Women with diabetes may experience a reduced sex drive, reduced pleasure from sex, a lack of vaginal lubrication, a reduced ability to orgasm, or painful sex. Women who suffer from a lack of vaginal lubrication or painful sex may find a vaginal lubricant or water-based gel very helpful.

OK some of it is for women - I even cut out a section on miscarriage... however, it's scary stuff and must be taken seriously. It's never to late to start taking care of yourself. You can start afresh every day. As to the gym - I have always found that a selection of activities are more fun. I swim, cycle, walk (the dogs), and will start horse riding again soon. Perhaps you can suggest a weekend walk now the weather is improving? As to his diet, do you do the food shopping? If so, he has little control and you have to just stick with it. I don't eat many carbs (replace pasta/rice with loads of broccili/cauliflower - which works very well) and eat loads of salads and egg and bacon every morning! However, the diet that is recommended is the low GI diet - there are books around, it's easy to follow and what most people consider healthy. The more he eats this stuff, the better he'll feel and the less he'll notice. There should be a local Diabetes support group, we are here and there are other great websites out there. Good luck

Hi Shona......Glad you found my link ok

My husband was exactly the same when he was diagnosed T2. Once he's got over the shock (it can take a while for him to realise he's not invincible), it will get easier for you.
When I've got a bit more time, I'll regail you with my experiences as the wife of a T2.

Just hang on in there, it will get easier for you both

Yup.. once i opened my eyes i saw it Look forward to comparing notes Clare.

I googled the low GI diet earlier after reading your reply Imogen and really wish i had looked before. I was actually surprised at how little we need to change since we already use a lot of the low GI food listed. Also realised that it would be good for helping me to lose some weight, so i have told Dave that i will be changing our eating habits by switching the types of food we eat. He was actually surprised at how much food is listed as low GI, i think he thought that it was a complete ban on things like pasta, but since we always buy durum wheat pasta it looks like he can still have that.. is it freshly made pasta they recommend you don't have?

Today is good, he is thinking about his diet and ways that we can all improve, and its not just about him. He was wondering... some of the low GI snacks listed.. can he have those too? Snickers bars? I guess everyone would assume diabetics shouldn't eat sugary sweets, but is it really as simple as a little bit of what you fancy? Maybe this has been the problem up until now, that he has been rebelling against the "loss" of food types?

It's the portions you need to watch... half a plate of veg, quarter meat and quarter pasta/new potatoes. SMALL bowl of porridge/museli for brekkie and he MUST have snacks.... like fruit. It helped me when I did it to know that although my brekkie hadn't filled me up - I'd have my fruit in a couple of hours... Then only another couple of hours til lunch. If he wants choccie (if he really cannot give it up). Make sure it's a real treat, tag it on the end of a low GI meal - so the body absorbs it along with the rest of the food and make sure it's only a snack size one... eaten slowly.... Enjoy the flavour, because that's why you eat it! Make it every other day and then only twice a week.... Up the exercise and I promise you'll both lose weight on it. Get the book though, it's very good.

I'm glad he's sounded more positive about changes. And that you are seeing it as a benefit for you will really help. It really is all in the mind. If you want to do it (together) then you'll have much more success. And don't worry if you have a bad day, we all have those... but even if you have a take away, there are ways of doing it so you don't sin too much

Keep writing here too (coz it makes us look busy!!!! HA HA)....

Hi Shona,

Good to see you on here and feel free to ask anything (well almost anything ) and we will see what we can do to help.

Best wishes

Nick

Update from us...

Since i last posted Dave has really taken to the Low gi diet. Without prompting he sorts himself his (far smaller) bowl of muesli for breakfast and is off buying the low gi stuff from the shop without me.. It seems he would rather buy muesli bars than chocolate bars and shared a small chocolate egg with me over the easter weekend (this is the only chocolate he has had since i last posted). Portion sizes are coming down far quicker than i thought they would.

While the kids have been off school we have taken advantage and gone swimming several times, which we are all enjoying. In fact Dave noticed the days we havent gone he has felt a little down. He stayed home with the younger two kids this morning because one was poorly while i took the bigger two swimming and he was so down about missing out he has taken the big two back again this evening. They are ecstatic!
We have also talked about him rejoining the gym. I signed up with the monthly membership last week and although i have only done 2 sessions i really enjoyed it. So this week we are hoping to get him sorted with his induction so at least he can do pay as you go sessions at the very least.

All in all things seem to be moving in the right direction and he seems lots happier too which is definitely a plus.

That's brilliant Shona. Well done to both of you

Nick

Well done

I wish I had your self-discipline

Unfortunately....... ditto !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

N

sipping red wine

Ha, I beat you on that one.......I can't drink amy more
I used to enjoy the odd glass of wine, Pimms at the weekend - But since being on my new Asthma meds, just a sip of wine triggers an attack, so now I have to abstain

Oh No !!

Life can really suck sometimes can't it?

N

I have actually been really good. I can generally buy sweets, chocolate etc and leave it sitting in the cupboard for days/weeks. I made the mistake of buying some crisps the other day and now that they are in the house i want to eat them. Lesson learned, crisps are my weakness, who'd have thought! I'm settling into a nice little routine at the gym, which will be easier to stick to once kids are back at school tomorrow. Have recently shed 10lbs in the last 5 weeks so im feeling good, must remind myself of that next time i reach for crisps.

Dave saw the diabetic nurse again last week and she tested his blood sugar levels, apparently it was back up to 11 so she has told him to change the dosage of his metformin. Kinda disappointed since he has been doing really well (i dont think he has cheated), but thankful that at least he made the appointment on his own and went for it.

Hi Shona,

Well done indeed on your weight loss. Crisps.... Mmmm you and me both.
Fingers crossed that he gets his bloods back down again - but did she measure the blood within 2 hrs of him eating??

Nick

Shona , Greetings ,
Anything I say I hope not to offend you or anyone.
That said , I guess what you cook is what hubby has to eat or go to Micky D's ,. Right. And if he makes a request for something not good for him and you also" This is not burger King, you can't have it your way , its my way or the highway( A little humor ).
Now a great way for the whole family to eat is : A low glycemic diet. The best one on the net is :http://www.mendosa.com/gilists.htm
It gives a list of 2,480 foods and there effect on glucose spikes. In other words , what to eat and what not to eat.I never could count carbs. With this in a week you will know automaticly what to eat. It is not really restrictive, but certain food are a no no. The second part of this diabetes, And I know your hubby don't want to hear it, but that is Exercise. I walk 1 1/2 hours a day , everyday. My glucose levels, Hba1c is 5.5. Since I started to exercise my glucose levels are amost right on and so is my Cholesterol and blood pressure. Before they were sky high. My doctor wanted to put me on a Statin for cholesterol. I said " NOt on you Life " . So Thats when the exercise entered. Also instead odf a statin I took Nicotinic acid.And only 250 mcg. WOW I am in great shape now.Oh, by the way My exercise is NORDIC WALKING. Its walking with 2 sticks . Google it.
To me the exercise is most important. It was the last piece of the puzzle

Good luck. But if he don't get with it , blindness, kidney failure, Neuropathy and heart failure. You may be taking care of an invalid. He can prevent that . But must be willing. Also Depression is also a complication of Diabetes.

Apparently i wasnt listening fully when Dave came back from the diabetic nurse last time The initial appointment (after 6 months of non monitoring) his blood sugar levels were 11. When he saw the nurse last time it was High 8's the appointment with the nurse was at 9:30, so not long after breakfast.

Dave has been spending more time in the garden trying to get it cleaned up and suitable for the kids to play in... so lots of digging, carrying and general exercise involved. As well as his swimming sessions with the family, just need to organise his induction at the gym now.

Depends on how long after his breakfast....should be measured 2hrs afterwards and current NICE guides are below 8 so he may not be far off

Your Dave seems to have it well in hand. My other half was diagnosed T2 about six years ago and for the first four years his levels were never below 20
He has it under control now and it rarely rises above 8, but he really struggled.
He doesn't have a fantastic diet (his weakness is lemonade and fruit juice), but he makes sure he eats a "proper" meal every day with lots of fruit and veg.
He works in London, so it's difficult for me to help with a diet as I'm in Devon - but we manage because I travel up every weekend and make sure his fridge is stocked for the week before I leave.
He's a Project Manager, so although he doesn't visit a gym he is very active at work and has the weight almost under control.

I think it's almost as bad for us on the sideline as it is for the Diabetic - makes you feel pretty helpless some days

Especially when we get grumpy and tired and teeed off cos we can't eat meringues and sweets and ....stuff !!!

Shona wrote:My husband was diagnosed with type 2 in April last year after several months of recurring bouts of thrush. He made it perfectly clear at the beginning that he didnt want me to mollycoddle him regarding his diet, and i have tried really hard just to let him get on with it. I figure he will work it out in his own time.
He hasnt really adjusted his diet at all, and complains if i try to adjust the meals (though to be honest i dont know exactly what i should be avoiding, i was told to cut down on potato and pasta, i have tried to include more red meat and fish in our diet). He still binge eats, not just meals but sweet stuff too. Some days he will go all day without eating, have dinner around 8pm and then sit up until 3-4 in the morning eating whatever food we have in the cupboard. His excuse before was the diabetic nurse told him it was ok to eat food late at night, it wasnt bad for him. And since his blood sugar levels had dropped back down to normal levels thanks to his medication he felt that things were fine.

So much so that he last saw the diabetic nurse in september last year. He was due to have more blood tests done in october and then go back to her, but he didnt do either. He has continued taking his medication Metformim 500mg, simvastatin 40mg and ramipril 10mg and assumes that since he hasnt had a case of thrush he is fine. He is irritable (more so than usual) and is really struggling to get a good nights sleep. He was recently turned down for life insurance based on the doctors report, and despite me pointing out it was probably due to the fact he hasnt had his blood sugar levels tested recently he still refused to make an appointment. I picked up his prescription last week and made an appointment for the diabetic nurse the same day (told him the surgery had insisted, which seemed to be fine by him). He has since been to see her and has been sent for a full set of blood tests because he admitted to not taking his pills as often as he should be.
.

He has come home from the appointment determined to start exercising but hasnt actually done anything about it. He said everything is fine and the nurse had no concerns. He also refuses to tell me exactly what his pills are for.. im not sure if this is to stop me from worrying, or because he simply hasnt cared enough to ask.

I'm guessing from the few posts and information i have read that denial is pretty common... but it would seem like he is severely testing his body to see how much he can abuse it before it gives out. Is there anything i can do to help him? A way to help him make the changes he needs without being the nagging wife?

my name is Thanh, i living and working In viet nam nice to meet you

Hi Thanh,

Welcome to the forum. Hope you find some interesting things on here and please do post any comments or queries as we'd love to hear them.

Best wishes
Nick